A Smoky Christmas to All & to All a Good Night by Tommy Zman
It’s two days ‘til Christmas and I hope all you boys and girls have been good this year, because Santa wants to bring you a lot of cigars from various tobacco producing nations that hail from beneath the equator. You know, you actually never hear about it, but Santa is indeed one hell of a Brother of the Leaf, a ten-a-day stogiephile with a prolific collection of gars that would round out an elf’s ears!
We all know that it wouldn’t be politically correct to spread the word that Santa loves his hand rolled happy sticks, but it’s true that the old dude is an aficionado from way back. The guy loves dark, full-bodied sticks, with an affinity towards, JR Alternative Edicion Limitada Behike, Frank Llaneza 1961, La Finca, and any El rey del Mundo Maduro. Remember when you used to see pictures of Saint Nick smoking a pipe? Well, that’s all his public relations spinsters wanted people to see at the time, but now the image of Santa enjoying tobacco of any kind is one hell of a no-no, and the U.S government has made sure that the tubby s.o.b. is always seen tobacco free.
The jolly old soul is basically a freak for a good smoke and it has been said on Christmas Eve alone, that Mr. Kringle has consumed more than a thousand premium sticks between take off and return to the North Pole. Sure, it’s a feat that would likely kill you and I, but hey, we’re talking about the man of magic, here, a guy who can visit 3.7 billion homes within 24 hours, land a giant sled pulled by reindeer on every roof top, slide his bulbous body down a thin chimney when a fire is lit, leave a crap load of presents (claiming that his elves made them), then gets the fug out 
and move on to the next abode. Of course it’s all very believable and it’s not only a wonder, but a damned shame that children ever stop believing. Hey, the story makes perfect sense to me and I’m sure it does to you too.
Now don’t any of you believe in that cookies and milk b.s. It’s a little known fact, but Santa is lactose intolerant and his cholesterol and triglycerides have been a friggin mess for years, as you might imagine. But there’s nothing that obese bastid loves more than finding a Nicaraguan puro by the fire place with a pour of single malt to keep him warm for his journey through Scandinavia and the Russian Front. And for you people in the U.S. southeast, a belt of your best bourbon will keep the man’s cheeks rosy thru fifteen states.
It’s hard for me to recall when I actually stopped asking for a pony and a bike and started asking for Punch Grand Cru #2 and LA Gloria Cubana Serie R, but I’m damned glad that my tastes changed upon growing up. I’m still undecided on what to smoke on Christmas Eve and day, but something tells me that there can’t be a wrong choice. Months ago I emailed the big man, asking for a plethora of tobacco laden goodies, and if I get even half my list, it’s gonna be a great start to the new year.
I know I speak for everyone here at JR CIGARS when I wish you a terrific holiday with family and friends, with hopes that Mr. Claus leaves a leafy bounty under your tree. So, a big-ash Merry Christmas from the Zman… and if you happened to be of the Hebrew faith, well, enjoy the movies and Chinese food this Sunday!
Ho, Ho, Ho, and Smoke ‘em Cuz ya Gottem,
JR Cigars Blog with the Zman
December 23rd, 2011 at 5:02 pm
Happy holidays to you and all of those who read and post on this blog, Zman!
December 23rd, 2011 at 6:37 pm
Ditto. Joy to all and happy herfing. And Z, do you celebrate Wigilia or the Feast of the Seven Fishes on Christmas Eve ( or both )?
December 23rd, 2011 at 8:24 pm
I was just online, looking for New Years smokes and thought I would check in and say Joyous Holidays to all of you!
December 26th, 2011 at 9:51 am
Zman- please compare the JR Alternative Edicion Limitada Behike to the JR Alternative Edicion Limitada Montecristo “C” and Edmundo.
I really am curious…I’m eyeballing the #4 or #5.
Please advise.
My favorite size smoke is usually the 5.62″x45 Cuban Corona…but I have always loved JR Ultimate #1 and La Gloria Cubana Serie R.
December 27th, 2011 at 1:03 am
And a Late “MERRY CHRISTMAS” to all!
December 27th, 2011 at 11:31 am
That’s more like it.
December 27th, 2011 at 12:49 pm
I wonder if Zman got any smokes besides a 5 pack of DeNobilis for Xmas.
December 27th, 2011 at 8:56 pm
Some Backwoods, perhaps.
December 27th, 2011 at 9:36 pm
or a Parodi Cherry Vanilla 10 pack. Z has been pretty quiet. I wonder if he’s still in the Christmas Spirits?
December 28th, 2011 at 1:23 am
Bump…
Zman (Or Anyone)- please compare the JR Alternative Edicion Limitada Behike to the JR Alternative Edicion Limitada Montecristo “C” and Edmundo.
I really am curious…I’m eyeballing the #4 or #5.
Please advise.
My favorite size smoke is usually the 5.62″x45 Cuban Corona…but I have always loved JR Ultimate #1 and La Gloria Cubana Serie R.
December 28th, 2011 at 12:50 pm
Will you quit pestering us to talk about cigars on this blog? This blog is all about harassing Zman, isn’t it?
December 28th, 2011 at 1:44 pm
I’ve never smoked them, WT, but I see that the behikes are ems wrapped and the Montecristo “c” and Edmundo are maduro if that helps. The behikes cost more too.
December 28th, 2011 at 4:56 pm
Since we’re talking about Alts, I was wondering if you guys have actually done a side-by-side with an Alt. and the actual cigar it’s supposed to mimic. I always figured they kind of went like mild, medium, full profiles and that’s about it, without much difference within each flavor profile, just change the name for each cigar. Anyone have a different experience?
Don’t get me wrong, though. For the price, they’re pretty decent smokes!
December 28th, 2011 at 5:06 pm
I figure pretty much what you figure, HB. It would be hard for me to imagine that they do a different blend for each original ‘gar that they have an Alt to. I’d think that they just get reasonably close to a bunch of similarly tasting brands and then just make Alts for all of them from the same tobacco. I still buy Alts, though. For the money, they’re good value.
As to the Alt Edicion Limitada debate, I have only had the #6 Behicke, so I can’t help Wild Turkey in his relentless quest for knowledge concerning the comparison between the 2 marks. Sorry.
December 28th, 2011 at 5:34 pm
Thanks, ‘fiend. I usually go with “pick a strength you like in a size you like” and that seems to work.
December 28th, 2011 at 5:36 pm
BTW, sorry for taking us slightly off-subject, WT. I’m afraid I can’t help you out with your question, either. Never tried either of those cigars.
December 28th, 2011 at 6:50 pm
It looks like WT came to the wrong place to look for answers to his cigar questions. He oughta know better by now.
December 28th, 2011 at 9:25 pm
I might sound like a shill, but the Montecristo “C” and the “Edmundo” are as good or better than many boxed smokes; they are actually my favorite smokes for a few years running now.
A CONSPICUOUS LACK OF Zman ON THE BLOG HERE…
Throw me a bone Zman…I know you’ve tried the cigars mentioned.
December 28th, 2011 at 9:26 pm
NOT THAT BONE!
December 29th, 2011 at 2:34 pm
Don’t worry, WT. Zman can’t run too fast with his pants around his ankles. LMAO!!!!!
December 29th, 2011 at 4:29 pm
Bad mental picture, ‘fiend.
December 29th, 2011 at 4:40 pm
I hope Santa was good to all of you, even Zman, bringing you all kinds of succulent cigar offerings to savor (tried my best to make Cotty G proud with that last phrase). And here’s wishing all of you a Happy and Prosperous New Year.
December 29th, 2011 at 4:45 pm
What’s everyone doing for New Year’s Eve? We’re going out to Texas Land & Cattle Restaurant for a good steak dinner with a couple of couples. Then it’s back to the house for a couple of good single malts and a fine cigar on the patio, and a champagne toast and kiss from the old lady at midnight. The next day will be Bloody Mary’s and NFL football. All in all, not a bad holiday weekend.
December 29th, 2011 at 6:35 pm
New Year’s Eve will be spending some time with my folks in the early part of the evening for a light meal, then going over to a friend’s place for more food, drinks and a smoke or two to ring in the new year.
December 29th, 2011 at 7:54 pm
My wife and I will have dinner at home. There are too many crazy drivers on the road on ordinary days. On New Year’s Eve they’re drunk and driving. In Philly you also have nuts who shoot guns in the air without care for where the bullets hit. In the past few years several people have benn injured or killed by this reckless behavior. So, dinner at home, a few highballs, and Rockin’ New Year’s Eve. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
December 29th, 2011 at 8:32 pm
HB, I smoke a boatload of the JR Alt to the Hoyo or Punch Rothschild. I’ll be honest, it tastes very close (if not spot on) to the originals.
New Years Eve for us will be spent a friend’s house about a mile and a half away. A few beers, lobster and filet mignon and a few games. Low key, but always fun.
I bought a bundle of the Alt El Cohiba Behike #4′s. Good ‘gar. Fairly strong, good draw, very flavorful, but a bit young IMO. I’ll smoke half the bundle and let the other half sit a few months and revisit ‘em.
Happy New Year, all!
December 30th, 2011 at 1:32 am
I sometimes like a little “youth” in the flavor profile of a cigar.
I’ll keep that in mind…
December 30th, 2011 at 2:37 am
Thanks for the insight on the Alts, DiD!
December 30th, 2011 at 3:32 am
Hey Brian-
The Edicion Limitada Montecristo “C” and Edmundo are solid, full-bodied Nicaraguan smokes; you can’t go wrong with those two.
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